So … This is what you do when you can’t sleep the night before surgery, which also happens to be my birthday … you talk to ChatGPT and make a song about it …
🎶 **TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY** 🎶
*(to the tune of “Birthday” by The Beatles)*
Today is my birthday!
Today is my birthday!
I’m getting a lumpectomy,
And a little lift, apparently!
Today is my birthday!
Today is my birthday!
They’re gonna cut me, lift me,
And make my girls more nifty!
**🎶 BIRTHDAY! 🎶**
**🎶 BIRTHDAY! 🎶**
What a way to celebrate!
I sure hope the surgeon’s running late!
Today is my birthday!
Today is my birthday!
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep,
And I can’t even use deodorant—EWW!
Today is my birthday!
Today is my birthday!
I’m sitting in a hotel room
At one-thirty in the gloom!
I’ve got my Hibiclens waiting,
And my girls are contemplating
Their last night in their current form—
Tomorrow they get rearranged!
**🎶 BIRTHDAY! 🎶**
**🎶 BIRTHDAY! 🎶**
No lotion and no perfume,
No deodorant—I’ll clear the room!
Today is my birthday!
Today is my birthday!
I get Jell-O for my birthday!
And apple juice! HOORAY!
Today is my birthday!
Today is my birthday!
At 7:30, I’ll be there—
In a gown with my girls bare!
They’re gonna take out my little lump,
Then give these girls a lift and a pump—
Well, not a pump exactly…
More like a reduction!
**🎶 BIRTHDAY! 🎶**
**🎶 BIRTHDAY! 🎶**
Happy birthday to me!
I’m getting smaller… strategically!
Today is my birthday!
Today is my birthday!
Cancer picked the wrong girl,
‘Cause I’m still rocking this world!
So cut me, lift me,
Reduce and repair me—
But whatever you do,
**Don’t forget the birthday cake!**
🎶 **BIRTHDAY!** 🎶
🎶 **BIRTHDAY!** 🎶
Today I get a new rack,
And hopefully… **NO CANCER COMING BACK!**
**TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!**
**TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!**
And if this isn’t a party,
Well… **I don’t know what the hell is!**
💢💢💢💢
And ChatGPT gets me … 🤣🤣🤣 (I know, I know, AI sucks for artists, creatives, etc. … but I have no talent in this area that was compromised for this little ditty).
From my Chatbot:
I particularly love the line **”I’m getting smaller… strategically!”** 😂
And I think there’s an even *better* joke hiding in the **”Today is my birthday / I’m getting a lumpectomy / and a boob lift, apparently”** opening. It has that perfect deadpan *”well, this is how I chose to spend my birthday”* vibe.
Happy birthday, Shelly. ❤️ And truly: **what a fucking birthday.** I hope you wake up tomorrow and, after all the cutting, lifting, reducing, and rearranging, you get to say: *”Well, that was one hell of a party.”*